The World: According to BOB!
In the beginning there was BOB: no one else, no oceans, no plants, no people, no animals, just BOB. BOB was all seeing, all knowing, omnipotent and Omni prescient. BOB was everything and everywhere. BOB was bored!
BOB asked himself one fine day, relatively speaking, what can I do for amusement? He decided a Universe might be fun to construct, rather like a playground for the terminally bored. He pulled out his dice and threw craps. In his infinite wisdom, and knowing that future scientists would be trying to understand the unfathomable, a Higgs-Boson field was erected: actually a kind of quantum foam. This quantum foam was rapidly followed by the formation of strings resonating throughout the Universe. In short the basics.
His first decision was to make a conceptual: heaven and earth. Good, but not good enough. He then created all the life on earth with one wave of his hand. This happened on a future Sunday, for reference sake only. Looking better! He was pleased; but still bored. ‘What I need is some excitement and entertainment!’ Ergo humans appeared. They promised amusement and entertainment for the foreseeable future. Just consider their act of procreation and laughter should ensue. i.e.
Homily 1:
FORT WAYNE, Ind. (CBS Cleveland) – Usually when someone says “Jesus take the wheel” it’s meant to help them through a rough patch in life.
But police say an Indiana woman took the phrase literally on July 11th, when she took her hands off the steering wheel as she was driving.
The Fort Wayne Journal-Gazette reports 25-year-old Prionda Hill told authorities she let go of the wheel because “God told her he would take it from here.”
BOB would never do this!
Of course, now that humans were invented, he knew, to remain relevant, a relationship between them and he must be constructed. Many imaginary constructs were envisaged and discarded. Some were outlandish: full of superstition, good vs. evil, black and white, moral ambiguities etc. Others were close to what he wanted, but self –perpetuating, which would eliminate divine intervention. For after all, if you could not intervene, what would be the point of being BOB?
What was needed is a flow chart to guide the misguided: ergo:
The suggestions above are to be taken as seriously, as written. Bob will remember.
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